oncall sex for life: doctor

Showing posts with label doctor. Show all posts

I was going to post this as a comment, and then I realized it was long enough for its own post, so here it is.

I am driving a 2012 Nissan Altima! I am calling it my Wizardmobile. The last time I bought a car was 2002, and I am SO unfamiliar with all the newfangled stuff that's come out in the decade since then. Apparently you no longer use keys to start a car. They are passé. Instead you just have the keys near the car and push a button.

It's a nice car. The doors shut solidly and it has some good acceleration. I'm used to a manual transmission, so having only the options of fully automatic or weirdly quasi-manual are odd. My hand keeps drifting over to where the shifter should be when I'm not thinking about it. It has something like 10 drink holders scattered all over the cabin. No clue what some of the buttons do, and not about to try them out for fear one is an emergency ejector or flame thrower.

The really nice things about it are that it is a tall enough car that neither Patrick nor I has our heads brush against the ceiling (my usual car is very compact), and it has a nice stereo system. The bass is lovely! But I do miss my car. And it is hard navigating a 4-door sedan around when you are used to a 2-door coupe and you have to park in a very cramped parking garage.

Like this, but in black.

I made sure to get the all the various insurances on it, just in case I had really horrible luck and someone else hit me before I even got my regular car fixed. The claim for this will go to the other driver's insurance along with everything else. They are supposed to contact me either this week or next, and we'll see how that goes. I hope it isn't some long, drawn-out fight. If they try to screw me, I guess I'll just end up getting a lawyer. Fun!

The doctor gave me a prescription for ultrasound physical therapy, so I'll be calling that place today to see about an appointment. The massage yesterday didn't hurt nearly as much as the previous one, owing in part to me mentioning to the therapist that I'd been in quite a lot of pain after the first one. She lightened up a lot this time, and I was able to get out of bed this morning without wanting to shriek. I think massage will work better and better as my hurt muscles heal up. Now it mostly feels like I've had a really godawful workout and I'm suffering through the aftermath. A week ago this time it felt like I'd been hit with a... truck. Oh, right. Hah.

So glad that dizziness is going away. It was just horrid on Sunday. One wave after another of disorientation. Since then it's happened a little less each day, and today isn't very bad at all. The doctor thinks perhaps it was brought on by Patrick and I going for a short hike-walk that involved some elevation gain (climbing). When I climb, I can feel my back muscles working, and the doctor said that it might have occurred from too much muscle tension fooling with my nerves. Either that or the concussion. Or both. Personally I'm going with the "both" theory. Having waves of disorientation and mood changes approximately one week after a concussion fits exactly with the classical profile. At any rate, I am glad that crap is easing off. I've finally quit crying about everything. I bet Patrick is relieved...

Aaaaand there, just set up four physical therapy appointments. I hope they help. I'm relieved to have come out of this without broken bones or some sort of terrible permanent brain damage. Just have to deal with the concussion and whiplash, but I am improving. I'm not supposed to go on anything more than a short, easy walk (no real elevation gain or loss) until I can move around without pain, and I can't carry a day pack for probably a couple of months. I'm hoping I'll be able to pick up the cello again soon (literally pick it up, it's pretty heavy and I can't even clean the catbox without my back arguing with me right now). Maybe in a couple weeks. On the up side, I'd only had one lesson, so there isn't much to worry about losing. It's not like I'm going to backslide after months of serious progress. I guess if I was going to get hit by a truck, this was the time to do it...

At the doctor's office

Yet again. I have juggled many things today. Work, massage therapy, work, now doctor appointment. I swear, this accident has been SO ANNOYING. On the up side, I have a rental car and my poor car is being fixed, so some progress is being made. I have a little less pain, and the dizziness isn't quite as constant, but it is still really disorienting when it hits.

There is a possibility of snow tonight and later on this week, but I am fervently hoping it proves to be a lie. So many plants are budding out here that it will be very hurtful if temperatures drop that precipitously. I also don't want to have to drive in snow. I'm paranoid enough now just from the accident. I don't need to add slippery conditions to the mix...

Tried a short walk yesterday

I'd thought to get out and get a bit of light exercise yesterday. Patrick and I went to this park called Meadowdale Beach, and I hadn't ever been there before, so I didn't realize the trail was pretty steep (steps involved). Climbing uses my back muscles, so we weren't able to do much without me being in pain, but I did get a few pictures anyway.

I'm such a sad sack lately. I'm frustrated at this pain and not being able to do anything. I'm afraid of this coming week as I have a ton of work to do plus another therapeutic massage (first one was yesterday, fairly excruciating), and I know I'm going to be in a lot of pain and be very stressed. Dreading all that.

Everything makes me tear up and want to cry. I'm very pathetic just now. I'm not taking pain meds currently because I want to save them for this horrible next week, and I can't take Ibuprofen. The last two times I've thrown up for some reason or other (last was Friday night, time before that was Valentine's), my saliva afterwards has had streaks of fresh blood in it. I think perhaps the Ibuprofen is doing something to my stomach, so I'm not taking it anymore. I'm going to bring that up when I see the doctor on Wednesday and see what he says.

I can't even lift the cello without pain, so lessons are currently out of the question. Fortunately my teacher is very understanding. Not sure when I'll be able to go back to it. Probably a few weeks at least.

This morning before Patrick had to go play his opera I made breakfast. Cheese blintzes (sweet crepes with a filling of ricotta, huckleberry honey and vanilla, raspberry sauce drizzled over), cantaloupe and tea. Patrick graciously cut up the cantaloupe before having to shower and dress (opera requires a black suit).

It was mostly okay, except I've been feeling like I've got a tiny bit of vertigo today. It keeps happening. Suddenly my head spins a bit and I get a wave of half nausea, half dizziness. Doesn't matter if I'm sitting down or standing up. I am not sure what that's from. Maybe either the accident giving me a minor concussion or going completely off Lexapro. It isn't severe, thankfully.

Anyway, that's what's going on. Here are the pictures I took. Hope y'all like them. Hopefully clicking on them will give you bigger versions, but I'm not sure...

Whiplash

My neck was killing me yesterday, and it's slightly better today, but still hurts a lot. I can't bend my head backward without pain unless I support it with my hand, and turning it in either direction hurts. Along with that, the left front side of my neck is tender to the touch. I called the doctor and he prescribed me some muscle relaxers, so I picked those up and took one last night with more Ibuprofen. It knocked me out around 7:30-45 or so, and I slept almost continuously until 8 this morning. I had nightmares again, but that isn't anything new.

I have a doctor appointment today so he can write me a script for physical therapy and see if anything else is wrong with me. When I was hit, I had my right foot on the brake, and rammed down harder at impact. My shin hurt off and on that day, but doesn't hurt any longer. It does feel kinda swollen and funny on the front of my shin, so I'm going to tell him about that as well when I go in. There is no bruise or anything. It's just sort of puffy feeling and swollen.

I hope these muscle relaxers continue to help. I'd take them during the day as well, but they knock me out, so they're just a nighttime sort of remedy. Thank you all for the caring comments!

I want to tell you a story.

This story begins years ago, but it flashes back and forth between those days and these.

I went to my doctor appointment on Monday, and had a meltdown. I went by myself. Usually Patrick goes with me, but he was unable to, and I am a big girl. I put on my Woman Pants and went my damn self. We were discussing what to do about my medications, and the doctor put forth a very reasonable suggestion (spurred in part by how artsy I am; he felt it would be neat for me, since I am creative) that I should videotape myself when I'm very depressed and suicidal, in an attempt to better understand that mood (or something like that, I don't remember exactly).

I didn't react well. I felt terror and revulsion welling up inside me, and began to have a mini panic attack. I couldn't speak very well anymore, and told him I couldn't do it. He said that was perfectly okay, and it was only a suggestion, and thanked me for hearing him out. I obviously couldn't have a productive appointment anymore, so he said it was okay for me to sit there and take as long as I needed. After he left, I sobbed and silently screamed to myself. I could not handle the idea. I wasn't sure why, exactly, but I couldn't. And I felt alone. Horribly, utterly alone. I finally managed to get my shit together enough to put my coat on and get ready to go. A nurse came in and asked if I was okay. I said I wasn't, but I was fine enough to get home. Then I left. After I'd gotten home, the doctor called me to make sure I was doing all right. I tried describing what was wrong with me, but I was still upset and didn't do a very good job, so I wrote this letter today to better illuminate my situation:

Hey Doc.

After I got home on Monday night and Patrick turned up, I regaled him with the tale of my meltdown. He thought of something I'd blocked out that might explain my reaction to your (very good) suggestion: many years ago, when I was married for the first time, my then husband pressured me into letting him take naked pictures of me. I wasn't comfortable with it, but I wasn't comfortable with much in that marriage, and I was young and trusting. Anyway, at some point after that, I did something (I no longer remember what) that he didn't like, and to keep me in line he threatened to post the naked pictures of me all over the internet. I freaked out and felt the need to warn my parents in case he decided to send the pictures to them. The following day I got home before he did and went through his computer, deleting all the pictures and the backup copies. When he came home, I told him what I'd done and he seemed shocked that I'd actually take the step of getting rid of them. He seemed even more surprised that I'd found and gotten rid of all the backups he'd made. I have never trusted anyone to do that to me again. That first marriage was full of Never Agains.

Making a videotape of suicidality isn't the same as naked pictures, but then again, it is. I guess I can't bear the thought of being caught somehow in such a state of vulnerability. I have done everything possible to ensure I'm never vulnerable again. Before I was married, a guy held me down in front of a bunch of people and tried to yank my shirt up. No one helped me, and they laughed. I finally got away and cried in the bathroom. Afterward, I kicked him in the balls and took up martial arts. I swore that no one would ever be able to do that to me again. I already knew my ex would never come back and help me, no matter what happened. He let the sensei from the martial arts dojo stick his tongue in my ear, which was when I quit. He left me on a cliff when I was trying to climb out of this ravine thing and was afraid of falling. He told me what a terrible person I was when I was huddled in a ball on the floor of my kitchen, crying.

I learned that no one will ever help you. You have to help yourself. And if you do tell people that there is something wrong with you, they will betray your trust, tell other people, call you a liar, send people to your apartment to try to break in, pound on your door and call you a fucking bitch. It is a terrible, beautiful secret you have to keep, when something is wrong with you. If you don't keep it, they will call you crazy. Or worse, insist that you are fine and they know exactly what you mean because they once felt sad, or like punching someone. They can deal with it, so why can't you, you weak excuse for a person?

I sobbed a lot in the room after you left, and that was both because of my reaction to the suggestion and my brain screaming at me that my supports were being taken away with nothing offered in their place but an abhorrent suggestion. You are alone in the dark, and no one will ever help you. I know that isn't true, but that is how borderline feels. It is excruciating and overpowering. We are so desperately afraid of being abandoned that we create abandonment where there is none, and we overreact to the imagined desertion. So, of course, I overreacted. Fine, if I'm to stop some drugs with nothing to help me, then I'll stop ALL the drugs. I will show you what fucked up looks like. Watch this. You can't abandon me, I'm leaving YOU! Anger keeps the terror away. Anger has always been my shield against fear.

I stopped taking everything and spent the entire night lying awake, staring into the dark, worrying someone was going to break into the house and smash my head with a baseball bat. I did not go to work the next day, and I didn't sleep then either, until the nightfall. During the day, Patrick got through to my sense of reason and made me see that stopping all the drugs cold turkey was a very bad idea. I knew that, but I was so angry and afraid that torturing myself was the only control I felt I had left. I didn't eat yesterday, either, until about 5pm. After he and I talked about it, and I'd had some food, I felt a bit better. I took my pills last night, all of them except cut the Lexapro down to 5mg, and I slept well. I feel better today. I've lost something like 15 pounds in the last few months. I like that. It makes me feel better about myself. I haven't had a drop of alcohol since I had that ghastly hangover episode on Lexapro, and I don't think I will start again after I'm off of it. It isn't fun the way it used to be, it's expensive, and it's a lot of unnecessary calories.

Anyway, I just wanted to explain myself. I hope you don't feel badly about my meltdown in the office. It wasn't your fault.

Taryn

None of this is new. I've been like this since I was very little. I've always felt that no help was ever coming, especially at night, with the hellish dreams. What normal nine-year-old girl spends her chore money on ever bigger and sharper knives?

Mental illness is real. And, sometimes, it is terminal. I'm hopeful that it will prove otherwise in my case.

Dragging today

Well, darlings, I think we've learned how many days I can go before Restoril quits working again. The last couple of nights it's been taking longer and longer to kick in, and last night I didn't get to sleep until around 3am, despite taking it at 8:30pm. That is a lot of boring time spent lying in the dark. I slept fitfully until I had to get up at 7:45, but fortunately no nightmares.

I'm going back to Ambien and NyQuil tonight, as I need to get some sleep. I told the doctor about all of this, so we'll see what he said. His original idea was for me to switch between the two anyway, but he'd asked me to continue on Restoril for a while to get some more data on how it worked with me.

I was going to write some more, but I am TIRED. So forget it. I want to go home and sleep. I hope you all have a smashingly successful weekend. Don't get the flu, k?

Are y'all sleepy? Hopefully I will be!

Well, I had my doctor appointment yesterday, and I think it was productive. We discussed my various problems and how to best approach them. He is hoping that giving me better sleep will also help the anxiety issues, and maybe it will. To that end, I'll be trying a new sleeping med, Restoril. It's a benzodiazepine, and I'm only supposed to take it a few days at a time. Apparently this is another of those do not take alcohol while you're on this or you'll be SORRY pills, so it's just as well that I'd already quit drinking due to the Lexapro. I was never much of a drinker, so I don't miss it. I've always hated the taste of ethanol. I'd make an awful alcoholic, if it were even possible, which I doubt. How can you get addicted to something you don't even like?

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. I'll be switching back and forth between this new med and Ambien, and hopefully a few nights of really good sleep will help me. Last night I tried just Ambien instead of adding Benadryl and NyQuil to the mix as well (I have REAL issues falling asleep), and it was hours before I finally drifted off. This wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't feel so terrible with less than about 8 hours of sleep. 9-10 is prime for me, and I've been known to sleep 15 hours at a stretch (not including surgery, after which of course I was knocked out). Getting too little sleep makes me sick to my stomach and I feel awful all day long. I cry really easily and everything seems horrible and overwhelming.

He also told me that I should feel a bit more free to take the Klonopin he gave me. I've been trying to use it very sparingly, but in retrospect I should probably use it before I've got a knife against my arm, you know? He's got a point. I will try to be a little more okay with taking it here and there when I'm stressed out. It's so hard to tell, though. The anxiety comes in rapid waves, and Klonopin takes a while to work. I'm never sure (except for some exceptional circumstances) when I am justified in taking it. I've never gotten a high off of anything, so that will never be a reason for me taking something. I just want to make sure I'm not wasting it. He gave me 10 pills back in October, and I think I've taken three of them. I split them all into halves, and that seems to work on me. Just knowing I have them is nice, too. Kind of reassuring.

I also got antibiotics for my wonderful lung problem, so hopefully that will stop the stupid wheezing and let me go back to normal. I'm going to get flu and pneumonia shots this afternoon at the pharmacy, along with my sleeping meds. They didn't have the Restoril in yesterday when we dropped by to fill the new scripts, so tonight will be my first test of it. Apparently, like Ambien, it can make you sleepwalk, sleep eat, sleep drive, etc.

It's all very exciting over here.

P.S. It's really damn cold. It was sleeting or something yesterday evening coming home, and there was a nasty mess of icy slush all over the grass this morning. Patrick heroically chiseled my car out of its frozen shell, and I am hoping it doesn't snow over the next few days. I have a lunch date with ma deuxième maman, you stupid weather! You'd better not make me reschedule...

I dragged myself in today

I've never been stoned, but I'd imagine this is what it would feel like. I feel dumb as a post and kind of useless, but I'm trying! Stupid cold. I've got stuff to do, so no more days off for me. It's okay, though. I will manage. My throat began getting sore last night, and I still feel exhausted. Hopefully the doctor will help me out today, although more likely he'll tell me it's a virus and I'll end up having to wait until it gets really bad before they do something about it. That's usually what happens. I will ask about the shots, Mom, so don't worry! :)

I'm too out of it to write much more, so instead I will leave you with a picture of Gurgles playing Catch The Ribbon with my sister's dog Kitan (I'm mediating with my hand in the middle), a pit bull-mastiff mix who is sweeter than honey. He is mostly afraid of cats, since my sister's cats hate him, but Widget and Monkey didn't know that and hid under the bed. Gurgles has no fear of anything except thunder, so he sauntered right out and they played together. It was pretty cute.

Don't want to sleep, but I gotta

As jotted down in my doctor note:

Monday Dec 31 nightmares, don't remember details

Tuesday Jan 1 nightmare with sibling of some sort trying to kill me, changing gender (murderous sibling, not I), bugs outside, weirdly bent white woman with black designs all over her in yard

Wednesday Jan 2 paranoia about Patrick, severe anxiety about work emails, which are never bad. Just opening the email thing and seeing that I have some unread ones from work makes me want to slit my throat or cut my arms because somehow that will make it better.

Friday Jan 4 nightmare with stalking, torture, cycling through again and again, birthday cake with all these birthdays on it named Belinda. I showed them the bag of torture implements with blood and flesh on them and said what each would be used for. A white hot brand i blew on trying to cool it down got to only glowing red before I passed out from fear. A giant sea turtle hugging me, told Mom could not keep going through same actions as same result each time, finally realized dreaming, screamed to wake up, shattered. Next level, men in suits, still not right, still dream, screaming, shattered. Twice more, woke for real, slipped back down. This time I had a bow and arrows. I hunted them. I shot one through the heart and another through her side. I went over and physically rammed another arrow into her throat until she choked to death on her own blood.

The doctor wanted me to keep a mood journal

So I have. And it's a wee bit disturbing...

Tuesday Dec 11 feeling of vertigo/dissociative experience

Friday Dec 14 feeling that horrible things were going to happen, panicking, then anger

Monday Dec 17 near panic attack at piano

Thursday Dec 20 anger then fingernails/knife on left arm, 1/2 Klonopin

Monday Dec 24 nightmare with There Is A Hell written on wall in blood, fires, dismembered bodies twitching in cages hung from ceiling

Tuesday Dec 25 nightmare with spitting out puddles of blood, being attacked, screaming, dissociative feeling, trying to slap self into waking up after realizing it was a dream.

Wednesday & Thursday Dec 26-27 Yelling in my brain for hours, fighting with itself about wanting and not wanting to be dead, plus song lyrics and random other things, then about 2:30pm on Thursday it shut up and it's been peaceful all evening, much improved mood.

Somehow it all looks a lot worse written down, which is kind of strange. Maybe because then I can't forget how rapidly all these things happen. Time seems to blur together when I'm in a horrible mood, and all the days melt together into a black slurry.

I felt a lot better after the end of that brain-yelling business yesterday, and I feel positively healthy today. It's like the badness just evaporated for the time being. My arm is healing up, and everything looks much brighter for me. Yay! I wish this awful shit would just go away, but after 32 years of it I am not expecting it to do that anytime soon. Anyway, it's all a lot more manageable with Patrick around. I'm grateful for him.

This weekend we might see about going to get some trekking poles and packs. Patrick has quite a few gig checks coming in, and we want to be able to go hiking even when it's soggy. I want to climb up to Camp Muir by the end of next summer, so we need to go on a bunch of conditioning hikes first in order to get in good enough shape to not murder ourselves going up from Paradise.

Baby steps

Hey ladies (and gents). Thank you all for your suggestions and personal stories! You are all so wonderfully supportive. A girl could not ask for better friends. <3

My doctor visit today was successful, and I am going to be trying a couple meds. Klonopin for the horrid anxiety attacks and Lexapro as a sort of daily anxiety reducer. I'm beginning on very low doses, so we will see how I do. Hopefully if I do have any bad side effects, taking just a small amount will make them obvious but not debilitating and we can then switch to something else.

I hope this helps! Just knowing I have something that I can take if I need it makes me feel better.

Love you all!

Post 1046

Thank you all for your kind words about my anxiety. They are much appreciated! I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 3:45 to discuss it, and I hope something good comes of it. My friend Rei had a lot of excellent suggestions for medications, and I will definitely be asking about those. Something to take every day to reduce general anxiety would be good, plus something to take occasionally for the panic attacks. And maybe I wouldn't even have to take it every day, if the anxiety comes in waves every couple months or so, just when it's bad. I'm not sure, but that's why I'm going! Also because I don't have a prescription pad.

I hate these attacks. Usually they consist of sobbing, breathing problems (my throat closes up), shaking, shivering, wanting to crawl into a hole and cover myself with a blanket, etc. It's like some sort of awful flower blooming in your head. You can feel it growing and swelling and your eyes get more and more terrified, and then it explodes into bloom and you're so freaked out that you can't even cry right because your throat is closing up on you, and everything seems to be way too much, you want to scream but there's no air, and so forth. Even when the attacks aren't happening, I have a very low threshold for stimulation that I can stand. Too many colors and sounds will overwhelm me and make the anxiety start creeping over me. There is so much fear just being out in public. I've found myself avoiding certain stores (or all stores, sometimes) because they're just too much. Too big, too loud, too much stuff stacked everywhere, Too. Many. PEOPLE.

I'm not a people person at the best of times, but when I'm really anxious it's just godawful. The simplest conversations with strangers are torture. You just slap a smile on your face and hope you don't say anything too ghastly before you can safely escape to an aisle where there's only yourself (and your Patrick, if you're me). I've started canceling outings with people because I just can't stand the thought of having to interact with so many people at once. Two is almost too much. I made it through my friend Autumn's last Craft Night, which she so graciously invited me to, and it was fun, but I was so conflicted about going because I didn't know if I could deal with it. And I even genuinely LIKE these people! So if I cancel something with you or don't call on the phone or whatever, please don't take it personally. It's not you, it's me. I swear.

In the meanwhile, I am trying to calm the hell down on my own. I've been smearing scented products on myself like mad at home, and it's sort of soothing. I probably smell like some sort of hippie fruit basket every night, but I don't care. I can't believe there's a chance we might get snow sometime this week. I'm sure it'll melt instantly upon hitting the ground, but still. I suppose now I'm going to have to prune my fuchsia for the winter. Sigh.

Bloody weather.

Update on my horrible back pain

Well, I went to the doctor today, and the MRI showed that I have a bulging disk that is probably pressing on the nerve and causing my pain. I was given a bunch of steroids that are supposed to get rid of the inflammation so I can heal, and I'm to take them in steadily decreasing doses, making note of when the pain returns.

He said something about giving me a steroid shot once we know where the pain starts coming back. I also have a referral to a neurosurgeon to see about possibly having it surgically fixed, but I'd rather not be cut if I can avoid it. Hopefully these steroids help and my back heals itself!

In good news, my nerves are not being smashed, sliced or otherwise damaged beyond repair. This is a source of great relief to me, as for a while the pain was so severe that I was sure I was going to cut a nerve and end up paralyzed or something. I also worried it might be another tumor, so learning that it is not was very comforting!

I told him about the numb patch on my back, and he said that was a hallmark of what the MRI says is wrong with me. Hopefully it will go away. Also, having surgery could just make it worse for a while as the nerve would likely be bruised and/or stretched during the procedure, and I suspect that would make work excruciating, so if I can realistically avoid surgery, I will.

We are planning to go on a 7.5 mile hike (that's the roundtrip distance) up to Spray Park in the foothills of Mt Rainier on Friday in order to see the wildflowers, and it should be gorgeous. I think my back will cooperate, as long as I don't have to clamber over boulders or anything, and from trip reports we've read, the trail seems fine. Just a bit of snow here and there.

Yesterday we went to REI and got ourselves some goodies at their Labor Day sale. I got a rain jacket, rain pants, and a polartec fleece kind of underlayer/jacket thing. Patrick got a rain jacket as well, and we both got fire-making sticks. They're mostly made of magnesium, with a sparking strip down one side (I think it's flint or some relative).

Rain jackets for hiking aren't like raincoats that you think of normally. They're a lot lighter, as when you're out in the field you don't want to have to carry more weight than absolutely necessary, and they also allow moisture to escape that builds up inside. The seams on our rain stuff have been sealed, so they're waterproof, and all the various openings have storm flaps so they won't blow open in the wind.

We were lucky to get it all on sale. The cream-colored polartec fleece layering item I got was originally very expensive as it's Arc'teryx, which is a really fancy hiking brand. They make splendid outdoor gear, but you really only need stuff that high-tech if you're wandering around in the arctic circle or summiting a real mountain (like Rainier or Everest). Fortunately for me, though, it was slightly more than half off, so I was able to get it! I love clearance sales. It will be excellent for hunting season. My jacket is Marmot, and a beautiful deep cobalt blue. The pants are REI and black. I'll show you pictures when I have a chance. This Blogger app doesn't do links.

Honestly, Patrick is right: the Marmot rain jacket looks for the most part to be just as good of quality as the Arc'teryx one I tried on (with a few obvious bells and whistles excepted), but for about 1/3 the cost. AND it was on sale. So it was a smashing deal. Yay!

Cannot wait to get out into the mountain air and see some wildflowers! There will be some gorgeous views of Rainier as well, provided the weather cooperates. I'll see about snapping some pictures for y'all so you can come along with us! <3

Still alive

Hey guys. Thank you all for the kind get-well wishes! They are so very appreciated. Sorry I haven't been making my usual blog rounds. It's hard for me to use a computer without pain, so I'm severely limiting my time. I was X-rayed a bunch today and I have an MRI scheduled for Thursday after work. Hopefully we will figure out what this problem is so we can fix it.

Not much has changed with the pain situation. Neither the Vicodin nor the muscle relaxers appeared to faze it in the slightest, so I stopped taking those. My back felt numb to the touch after a shower yesterday, which was new and sort of alarming. I could still feel the pain inside my back, but I couldn't feel my fingertips on my skin.

I'm feeling faint more often now (once yesterday during my shower, three times today in the morning), although that could have to do with the ongoing lack of hunger and thirst. I've tried to eat a bit here and there because I know I ought to, but it's still below what I normally eat. Anyway, hopefully that will also go away when this problem is fixed.

I had a chest X-ray done as well as the stuff for my back and arm because I told the doctor about the ongoing problems I've had with my lungs (wheezing that doesn't respond to Albuterol, occasional bloody phlegm coughed up and gurgling feelings in lungs, sounds like birds twittering when my lungs are compressed, etc.) Who knows? Maybe the scans will show something fixable in there, too.

I suspect a lot of it is just scar tissue making itself a nuisance following all those episodes of pneumonia. I don't know what can be done about that. Probably nothing, but the doctor decided to have a look anyway after I told him about those issues.

I'll keep y'all updated.

New developments

Well, the pain is worse and starting to spread down the back of my right arm. I haven't been hungry in a few days, although I managed to eat a few peaches yesterday. No hunger at all today, in spite of having only water and various pills. I think Patrick's going to cram some food down me tonight whether I'm hungry or not...

I could barely do anything today. I tried holding up the flip cover on an outlet for a coworker with my right hand and couldn't do it for more than about five seconds. It hurt too much and my arm gave out. I tried doing some stuff for a while, but I couldn't take the pain and gave it back to him to finish. He was very gracious about helping me, and I'm grateful. I couldn't have done any work at all yesterday or today without him.

Nothing seems to help the pain, so I quit taking the Vicodin for now and am still taking Ibuprofen and muscle relaxers in the hope that they'll at least make my muscles not get tighter.

Driving home yesterday I noticed the pain in my right arm. It would come in waves like my back. Now that arm is tender to the touch but neither swollen nor hot. No discoloration anywhere. I called the doctor again today after it had gotten more painful and ended up writing him a detailed email of my issues. He wrote back with this:

Sounds like a cervical neuropathy, possibly combined w carpal overuse syndrome, thoracic outlet...vascular vs neuro... Will need to see you to sort that out..

Hopefully I can get in tomorrow and get something scanned. I found the information below when I was trying to find out what cervical neuropathy might be, and it's not encouraging. I already have the numbness in hands with reading and arm weakness confirmed by a PT...

What Is Cervical Neuropathy?

The cervical spine is made up of seven vertebrae from the base of the skull through the neck. Eight pairs of nerves travel through bony openings in the cervical spine. When one or more of these nerves get pinched, painful cervical neuropathies can occur.

Symptoms

The most common symptom is pain that radiates from the neck down into the arms. The pain can be dull or sharp, and it can be on one side or both. When the pain is accompanied by numbness, tingling or weakness, it usually means that the nerve compression is more severe.

Diagnosis

A physical exam is the first step in diagnosis. It is important to find out if there is any limitation of motion in the neck or any weakness or decreased sensation in the arms. Plain x-rays are always important to see if there is any disease of the bones of the cervical spine. Finally, magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or CAT scans may be required.

Causes

There are a number of possible causes of pressure on a cervical nerve. The cause can be as simple as a muscle spasm or as serious as a tumor. The most common cause of pinched nerves in the neck is degenerative disease of the spine, a form of arthritis that can cause bony protrusions called "spurs" or herniation of the discs that lie between the bones.

Pain relief

The most common pain medicines given for cervical neuropathy are anti-inflammatory medications and antispasmodic medications. These medicines help relieve the tight muscles and inflamed nerves. A cervical collar (neck brace) is helpful to relieve the pressure on the nerves by supporting the neck and head. An injection of steroid medication is sometimes given at the spot where the inflamed nerve exits the bone. Narcotics are rarely given due to the addictive potential.

Surgery

Sometimes simple measures do not work to relieve the pain of cervical neuropathy. At times, it can progress and lead to weakness in the arms. In these cases, surgery might become necessary. A ruptured disc might need to be repaired, or an unstable spinal column might need to be fixed into a firm position.

Back pain, ad nauseam (plus bonus octopus piano)

Hi, blog readers! I thought I'd let you know what went on with my appointments. At the doctor's office yesterday, he thought it was a rhomboid muscle injury. So he prescribed muscle relaxers, Vicodin with Tylenol added, and physical therapy. I took the meds last night, and they knocked me out.

This morning I went to physical therapy, and it turns out that my right arm isn't working correctly. It has about half the strength of my left, and it fatigues way too quickly. There appears to be something wrong with my tricep.

I'd also been having my hands go numb when sitting up reading, and the last two fingers on my right hand go numb when using a mouse/keyboard for too long, along with nerve shocks up my right arm. I laid off the video games, and the two finger numbness/nerve shock business stopped. The numbness from reading continued.

The therapist thinks it's a pinched nerve. They put electrodes on me and did some electrical muscle stimulation, along with heat, and I'm supposed to rest, take the meds, do stretching, walk a bit to increase blood flow, and have three more physical therapy appointments. She did a bit of massage as well to try and loosen it up.

Afterward, my back was screaming, so I just went home and took more meds. They'll probably knock me out again soon, but I wanted to let you know what was going on. I hope this gets resolved with meds and therapy. I really don't want to have more surgery.

According to the therapist, 90% of nerve pinching cases are resolved without surgery. Watch me be the 10% who needs it... It's the family way! hah

When I feel better, I'll post pictures of this stuffed octopus-covered piano I saw yesterday. It's fascinating.

Update: pain is down enough now for the pictures to be added. This piece was titled Octavia Rises, and the pictures are in pretty high def, so if you can't see them clearly on here, right click and save, then open using your own program. Enjoy!