My superpower? Drug resistance.

Yo, guys. This sucks. I took one Restoril last night to sleep, and it did nothing. This is the 30mg dose, mind you, which is apparently the highest dose they make, and absolutely nothing. The pharmacist and doctor both even warned me that it was a really high dose and I should immediately get in bed when taking it. I took it at 8:30 or 9pm, sometime around there, and then we laid in bed for a while and then turned the lights off and absolutely nothing. The last time I remember looking at the clock it was 3am, and we had to get up at 7:30. I have no hangover feeling today, no side effects at all. It's like I never took the drug.

What. The. Hell.

WHYYYYY? I am displeased. This was supposed to be a Super Sleepy Time Cannon Drug for me, and nothing! I didn't want to take anything else, just in case it proved to have some weird interaction with my system and I accidentally murdered myself or projectile vomited or something, so I had a horrid night. I finally got some sleep after 3am, but it was all broken and terrible, and then we got up. UGH.

I am going to try it one more time tonight, and if it doesn't work tonight then I'm going back to my wonderful mixture of Ambien and NyQuil. At least that works sometimes.

Also, there was a burning bus on the I-5 express lanes this morning (that site is where I found these pictures), so traffic was an absolute nightmare. And the server at work is being fixed, so I can't really do anything useful. I should've just stayed home.

All the white stuff is fire-retardant foam, NOT snow.

Exciting!

I want a cupcake. Or a pumpkin spice latte. Or chocolate. SOMETHING.

WAAAH!

I will get over my complainy-ness soon, but right now I am unhappy and the world must know!

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Are y'all sleepy? Hopefully I will be!

Well, I had my doctor appointment yesterday, and I think it was productive. We discussed my various problems and how to best approach them. He is hoping that giving me better sleep will also help the anxiety issues, and maybe it will. To that end, I'll be trying a new sleeping med, Restoril. It's a benzodiazepine, and I'm only supposed to take it a few days at a time. Apparently this is another of those do not take alcohol while you're on this or you'll be SORRY pills, so it's just as well that I'd already quit drinking due to the Lexapro. I was never much of a drinker, so I don't miss it. I've always hated the taste of ethanol. I'd make an awful alcoholic, if it were even possible, which I doubt. How can you get addicted to something you don't even like?

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. I'll be switching back and forth between this new med and Ambien, and hopefully a few nights of really good sleep will help me. Last night I tried just Ambien instead of adding Benadryl and NyQuil to the mix as well (I have REAL issues falling asleep), and it was hours before I finally drifted off. This wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't feel so terrible with less than about 8 hours of sleep. 9-10 is prime for me, and I've been known to sleep 15 hours at a stretch (not including surgery, after which of course I was knocked out). Getting too little sleep makes me sick to my stomach and I feel awful all day long. I cry really easily and everything seems horrible and overwhelming.

He also told me that I should feel a bit more free to take the Klonopin he gave me. I've been trying to use it very sparingly, but in retrospect I should probably use it before I've got a knife against my arm, you know? He's got a point. I will try to be a little more okay with taking it here and there when I'm stressed out. It's so hard to tell, though. The anxiety comes in rapid waves, and Klonopin takes a while to work. I'm never sure (except for some exceptional circumstances) when I am justified in taking it. I've never gotten a high off of anything, so that will never be a reason for me taking something. I just want to make sure I'm not wasting it. He gave me 10 pills back in October, and I think I've taken three of them. I split them all into halves, and that seems to work on me. Just knowing I have them is nice, too. Kind of reassuring.

I also got antibiotics for my wonderful lung problem, so hopefully that will stop the stupid wheezing and let me go back to normal. I'm going to get flu and pneumonia shots this afternoon at the pharmacy, along with my sleeping meds. They didn't have the Restoril in yesterday when we dropped by to fill the new scripts, so tonight will be my first test of it. Apparently, like Ambien, it can make you sleepwalk, sleep eat, sleep drive, etc.

It's all very exciting over here.

P.S. It's really damn cold. It was sleeting or something yesterday evening coming home, and there was a nasty mess of icy slush all over the grass this morning. Patrick heroically chiseled my car out of its frozen shell, and I am hoping it doesn't snow over the next few days. I have a lunch date with ma deuxième maman, you stupid weather! You'd better not make me reschedule...

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Little bits

• I love fall. I can start to break out my zillion-scarf collection again!
• My friend Autumn pointed out some disturbing signs on Aurora the other day. One said, "Psych drugs are bad", and the other said "Psych drugs are bad for kids." Stuff like this really depresses me. Sure, psych meds are bad for you when they're wrongly prescribed, but so is blood pressure medication. For some of us, psych meds save our lives. And sometimes kids need them, too.
• Silent Hill: Revelation is coming out in about a week! I'm sure it will be kind of awesomely terrible. I am equally certain that I will see it anyway. Although to be fair, the previews actually looked pretty good. So maybe there is hope!
• The advent of October rain (YAY!) also heralds the yearly reactivation of the gym membership. We have rain gear for hiking, but sometimes you just get tired of being out in The Soggy, you feel me?
• Tonight is my single night of Patrickness this week. The man has got rehearsals every other night with the Tacoma Symphony, so I am rapidly working my way through the book pile we brought home from Powell's back when we went down to Portland. Good thing Stephen King writes giant novels. I'm currently working on Insomnia, and I am loving the Dark Tower references!
• Thanks again to my parents for that fabulous electric blanket. I can't tell you how much I love it. There are no words. The cats add their appreciation as well.
• I hope y'all like the autumn-ization of this blog. The misty green seemed a little out of place with the piles of leaves everywhere outside. Halloween's in two weeks! Can't wait.

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