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Showing posts with label Klonopin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Klonopin. Show all posts

Depressed and pissed today, but I bought new makeup yesterday.

Green, sort of a teal, and black
Remember that tree I drew a while back? I had the idea of trying to do the same sort of thing on my skin with eyeliner. We shall see if that actually works or I wind up looking like a drunk who somehow got hold of a Sharpie. The green is a pretty thick pencil, like the blue that I used for the previous dots, and the shimmery teal is a thin pencil. I got a sharpener that fits both fat and thin pencils, so no more dulled tips for me!

If this doesn't look retarded, I'll show you a picture. Probably not tonight though, I'm not feeling my best. Emotionally unsettled. I'll be fine. But I don't really feel like creating.

Are y'all sleepy? Hopefully I will be!

Well, I had my doctor appointment yesterday, and I think it was productive. We discussed my various problems and how to best approach them. He is hoping that giving me better sleep will also help the anxiety issues, and maybe it will. To that end, I'll be trying a new sleeping med, Restoril. It's a benzodiazepine, and I'm only supposed to take it a few days at a time. Apparently this is another of those do not take alcohol while you're on this or you'll be SORRY pills, so it's just as well that I'd already quit drinking due to the Lexapro. I was never much of a drinker, so I don't miss it. I've always hated the taste of ethanol. I'd make an awful alcoholic, if it were even possible, which I doubt. How can you get addicted to something you don't even like?

Anyway, we'll see how it goes. I'll be switching back and forth between this new med and Ambien, and hopefully a few nights of really good sleep will help me. Last night I tried just Ambien instead of adding Benadryl and NyQuil to the mix as well (I have REAL issues falling asleep), and it was hours before I finally drifted off. This wouldn't be such a problem if I didn't feel so terrible with less than about 8 hours of sleep. 9-10 is prime for me, and I've been known to sleep 15 hours at a stretch (not including surgery, after which of course I was knocked out). Getting too little sleep makes me sick to my stomach and I feel awful all day long. I cry really easily and everything seems horrible and overwhelming.

He also told me that I should feel a bit more free to take the Klonopin he gave me. I've been trying to use it very sparingly, but in retrospect I should probably use it before I've got a knife against my arm, you know? He's got a point. I will try to be a little more okay with taking it here and there when I'm stressed out. It's so hard to tell, though. The anxiety comes in rapid waves, and Klonopin takes a while to work. I'm never sure (except for some exceptional circumstances) when I am justified in taking it. I've never gotten a high off of anything, so that will never be a reason for me taking something. I just want to make sure I'm not wasting it. He gave me 10 pills back in October, and I think I've taken three of them. I split them all into halves, and that seems to work on me. Just knowing I have them is nice, too. Kind of reassuring.

I also got antibiotics for my wonderful lung problem, so hopefully that will stop the stupid wheezing and let me go back to normal. I'm going to get flu and pneumonia shots this afternoon at the pharmacy, along with my sleeping meds. They didn't have the Restoril in yesterday when we dropped by to fill the new scripts, so tonight will be my first test of it. Apparently, like Ambien, it can make you sleepwalk, sleep eat, sleep drive, etc.

It's all very exciting over here.

P.S. It's really damn cold. It was sleeting or something yesterday evening coming home, and there was a nasty mess of icy slush all over the grass this morning. Patrick heroically chiseled my car out of its frozen shell, and I am hoping it doesn't snow over the next few days. I have a lunch date with ma deuxième maman, you stupid weather! You'd better not make me reschedule...

Dudes, I am so fat.

Or at least I feel like it. ALL THIS EATING. Holy crap. Patrick and I are going back to the gym starting today. I feel like an asshole for saying it, but I really hope there are a whole bunch of super fat people there so I feel better about myself. Who do I think I'm kidding, though? It'll probably be all lycra-clad 100-lb 20-yr-olds. Sigh. I'll just ignore them and waddle through my exercise. Damn you, stuffing!

...and eggnog. Mmm, eggnog. NO! No eggnog. Too fat.

I feel like I'm about to start a slap fight with myself.

Also, word to the wise: do not drink alcohol when you're taking Lexapro or you will be sorry. I only had like 2 glasses of wine and I was smashed, then horribly sick. Apparently it does something to your ability to metabolize alcohol, and you can very easily give yourself alcohol poisoning. Normally two glasses of wine will just make me a little happy and tipsy, but this threw me under the table (figurative table, not literal). The next day I nearly blacked out in the bathroom and couldn't even sit up in the kitchen to drink juice. I had to lie on the floor and rest, then sit up and gulp some juice, then lie back down.

So, yeah. Don't drink alcohol AT ALL when you're on this drug. Bad news, and the hangover from hell. Thank god I was on vacation and didn't have to go to work. I didn't actually know about the alcohol thing at first because I was taking samples that my doctor had given me, and they didn't come with any drug warnings. I learned about this only afterward when I filled an actual prescription and right on the bottle was a lovely yellow label saying DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL WHILE ON THIS MEDICATION. No shit. They are not kidding. Ghastly experience.

Anyway, I'm all better now, and I've obviously sworn off any more alcohol while I'm taking this. I'm not sure if it's helping or not. I'm on 10mg now, which is the low end of the usual dosage for anxiety (10-40mg), and I might be having fewer tension headaches, but it's kind of hard to tell. The Klonopin seems to head off the anxiety attacks, which is great. I have another appointment in a few weeks, so we'll see if anything has happened by then.

How was Thanksgiving for y'all? I hope everyone ate just as much as I did! hah

Adventures in Asthma OR How I Ended Up Running Through A Dark Parking Lot in the Pouring Rain at 2AM

Last night we had some excitement, as you may have already deduced from the title of this post.

Earlier in the day, around 4pm, Patrick had insisted on cleaning the shower and tub himself. I'd kept offering to do it, but he gallantly refused me and went ahead. He used a Tilex mold and mildew spray that was supposed to soak into the stuff for a bit and then be rinsed off, along with Comet for the tub.

Unbeknownst to us (because we were stupid and didn't look), that Tilex spray is not supposed to be used by someone with chronic asthma problems, like my darling spouse. The fumes were nasty, as fumes usually are, but he seemed okay afterward when he headed off to his recording session.

As the session progressed, he found himself more and more short of breath. The gig lasted until 10, and he got home about 10:30. He and I had a bite to eat, and then I began getting ready for bed around 11. For me, this includes taking my nightly pills, among which is Ambien.

Around 11:15, Patrick began having real issues with his breathing. Albuterol was not helping, despite taking a LOT if it, and the attack was steadily getting worse. We decided not to wait any longer (these things can kill you if they get bad enough), and threw on some street clothes before heading to the ER.

When we got there, it was fortunately pretty quiet, so we were seen right away. I had dropped Patrick off at the entrance to the ER while I looked for parking, as the tiny lot in front of the entrance was full, mostly with cop cars.

The doctor checked Patrick out, doing a peak flow reading and listening to the wheezing in his lungs, and got him breathing from a nebulizer that administered some medicine into him better than his inhaler could. He used that until it ran dry, and started feeling better. They also gave him some steroid pills, and he has to take a few more of those to ensure it doesn't come back. He's also supposed to go see his doctor about getting on a new maintenance drug for his asthma, because he's having to use his inhaler way too often.

I had a feeling that I'd be having a panic attack after we left the hospital, since that's my usual MO, so I took half a Klonopin, and I'm pleased to report that the only panic attack I had was in a dream last night. So I guess it does work. I tend to hold myself together really well while something traumatic is happening, but then about half an hour later I'll freak out when it dawns on me what exactly just happened. I figured it was better to prevent that before it got started.

After Patrick was given the all clear to go home, we went outside and surveyed the weather with dismay. While we'd been inside, it had begun pouring, and there were big puddles everywhere. Since Patrick couldn't run out to the car, I got him to hold my purse and scarf while I rolled up my pants and made a dash for it. Definitely a surreal experience running through the dark in pounding rain for your car while on Ambien and Klonopin, let me tell you.

I couldn't remember exactly where it was at first, since the entire parking lot basically looks the same (and has bunches of trees here and there blocking your view, along with it being the middle of the night and pouring rain), so I went down one way, stopped, looked around and got my bearings, then took off another way and there it was. Whew.

Anyway, I was fine to drive (surprisingly), so I went back and picked him up at the entrance as soon as I'd fetched the car, and we went home, getting back about 2:30am. I was out basically as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I think he was too. He's got pills to get today and has to see his doctor ASAP about those new meds, so we are still in a flurry around here.

I'm so glad he's okay. It was quite the adventure. Needless to say, he will never be cleaning the shower again. Or at least not unless we find some sort of product that is okay for asthmatics, which seems kind of unlikely...

Baby steps

Hey ladies (and gents). Thank you all for your suggestions and personal stories! You are all so wonderfully supportive. A girl could not ask for better friends. <3

My doctor visit today was successful, and I am going to be trying a couple meds. Klonopin for the horrid anxiety attacks and Lexapro as a sort of daily anxiety reducer. I'm beginning on very low doses, so we will see how I do. Hopefully if I do have any bad side effects, taking just a small amount will make them obvious but not debilitating and we can then switch to something else.

I hope this helps! Just knowing I have something that I can take if I need it makes me feel better.

Love you all!
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