Depressed and pissed today, but I bought new makeup yesterday.

Green, sort of a teal, and black

Remember that tree I drew a while back? I had the idea of trying to do the same sort of thing on my skin with eyeliner. We shall see if that actually works or I wind up looking like a drunk who somehow got hold of a Sharpie. The green is a pretty thick pencil, like the blue that I used for the previous dots, and the shimmery teal is a thin pencil. I got a sharpener that fits both fat and thin pencils, so no more dulled tips for me!

If this doesn't look retarded, I'll show you a picture. Probably not tonight though, I'm not feeling my best. Emotionally unsettled. I'll be fine. But I don't really feel like creating.

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This post will probably upset, like, everyone. I don't know.

You guys, I am so fucked up. I've been horribly anxious all week and just wanting to cry and hide away from people. But today I attended a potluck at work, and who should be there but GREG (this is my ex-fiancé, for those of you who don't know, and we didn't part on good terms). I nearly fell over him. No one warned me. I said, "Oh. Hi." and then put down the food I'd brought and had to leave. I almost started crying at my desk and had to get out of there. I went outside and began retching from the nerves, and ran off to the sculpture park. Then finally got my shit together and managed to meet Patrick, who came by to be with me. We had some food and I felt a little better, then I came back and cried all over various people who asked me where I was. I had another panic attack in my supervisor's office. It was awful. I couldn't help it. I'm so freaked out and anxious and messed up. On the way back I contemplated finding some cops to take me to Harborview for some anti-anxiety meds. I need to get out of here. Like out of the city, at least for a couple days. All these people and sounds and everything are making me crazy. I need trees and water and peace.

Patrick is taking us to the Oregon coast this weekend to try and get me some peace. I wish I had some Klonopin or something.

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