My friends are all on vacation, not all of them, but several. I’m on vacation too. One friend who’s not on vacation is crazy busy at work and so never writes to me except to apologize for not writing. Another is at home, but so is her boyfriend, so writing time and privacy is tight. One is in the mountains, one is in the countryside, one is tucked away in a hotel room getting beaten silly by her lover. I don’t have a big circle of close friends, just a handful that keep me sane and centered, aroused and interested.
I miss them when I’m gone, when they are gone. While I’ve been out of work I’ve needed encouragement, distraction, support, and guidance. I should have more friends in person. I don’t pursue friends very well; I don’t care enough to make the connections to be “friends.” It’s just not worth the bother. My on-line friendships that have lasted have a mix of friendship, sexuality, flirting, mutual need, and good technology. I appreciate all aspects of these relationships. They are important to me.
A side note. When I was in college I had my first serious adult girlfriend. It was strange though, she was coming out of a bad family situation, we had different views religiously, she challenged my notion of morals, we fell in love while never admitting it, and she was the first girl I ever held naked in my arms. It ook us a while to admit it, but I remember holding her in bed one night. We were in her apartment, on her bed, and she asked me how it felt to be in a relationship. “A relationship?” At the time it seemed so serous. But I like being in relationships now, I like having those connections that go beyond an eyebrow raise, a handshake, a high five, or even a wry smile and a knowing look. I like being connected to the women in my life.
Each one makes a difference, plays a different role, and helps me in a different way. I love them all. When I’m away like this, though temporary, it highlights how my life is enriched by the people around me. That’s the point, I guess, of much of life, is to connect to people, to build relationships.
As I try to start a small business, everyone talks about building relationships. But how many small business men want to talk dirty to me on the phone and play on Skype? Without that ice breaker how am I to get things going?
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