Dream catharsis

Last night I had a dream that was very long and involved, and it culminated in a terrible fight between myself and my mother. I don't remember what we were fighting about, but I remember being very angry and upset, yelling and crying. These dreams are always horribly realistic.

Following that, I ended up in a bed that wasn't mine, with some creepy thing near me, and I had a feeling that everything was about to go downhill rapidly. I realized that I was dreaming and began slapping my face, screaming, trying to force my sluggish dream body to move and wake itself up in reality. It's such a strange feeling, knowing you're trapped inside your own mind and being unable to shake yourself loose from your prison, trying different tactics in an attempt to make the world shatter.

Finally it broke and I ended up in a new bed, but it still was wrong, still inside the dream. I knew because last night we'd found this old butterfly that I'd had in college, black with neon tubing that glows blue when it's plugged in, and we'd put it near my side of the bed. There was no blue butterfly in this fresh scenario, and I told the creepy thing lurking near me that I knew it was still a dream. It smiled at me with too many teeth, and I went back to trying to wake up.

Eventually I managed to shake myself awake, and I was just exhausted, emotionally and mentally. I felt sodden with fatigue after all that, but at least I knew I was in the real world again. The glow of the butterfly illuminated the dark bedroom and reassured me. I'm alternately wanting to go back to sleep again and dreading it today. I'm so tired, but I don't want to go back to those dreams. Maybe they will be better tonight.