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Headlines I've seen today

I don't actually know if some of these are even worth reading. I just included the links so you could see they were from real articles. I did read the monkey one.

Paralympics open with 'big bang'
Possssssibly not the best headline to use when America's just had a rash of mass shootings?

Bumbershoot will have Whac-a-Hipster game
I can't tell if this is evilly inciting violence or the best idea ever.

Arrrggghhh Matey! Make it a “LABOR DAY STAYCATION”!…See the Tall Ships!
 Drugs. Obviously drugs.

Experimental Low-Calorie Diet Gets Puzzling Results in Monkeys
 I have this image of anorexic primates doing Sudoku whilst gnawing on celery sticks.

Signals from Mars: Why Sent a Song from the Red Planet
 Publicity. Duh. It's ALWAYS publicity.

That's all I've got in me for today, y'all. Much love.
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