Would that I could Lilly...

Sex in the morning, a quickie before the little one knocked.
A short run with D1
Time spent at the library, talking, flirting, hoping, missing by minutes
Disappointing news on the job front
A pool party (dangerously cute underage girls)
A networking meeting (i'm soooo far behind on writing my web-site)
A quartet rehearsal (yes, baritone, not very good, Patriotic barbershop)
Enjoying the Kings and their victory from afar (i'm not a hockey guy, but it was nice)
Then going home, feeling the tension rise
Pressure to apply for a job 45 miles away through LA's worst traffic.
the distinct impression that patience has run out
Optimism has vanished
Snappy words
Harsh comments
An edge to my voice I have controlled for a long time.
Silence at bedside
Quietly brushing teeth that earlier had grazed sensitive skin
A good night kiss that could chill and Eskimo
curling to my side of the bed,
shutting down conversation
realizing how many people have seen, and ignored/rejected/judged me unworthy of even a phone call.
Realizing that she might be coming to agree with them, as I do at times.
Blissful sleep.

A friend, upon seeing my weight loss, asked me what my goal was.
"To Vanish" I replied.
She laughed, I chuckled on the outside.

Today I put on my raincoat and traveled to Nocturne Alley
I purchased a pair of fancy mice
When I brought them home, one devoured the other,
And then died of loneliness.
I felt envy.

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