A horrible story involving millipedes. And some other stuff.

I guess this story is only horrible if you hate millipedes, as I do. Or any other brand of insectoid life with too many legs.

You know that jasmine we bought the other weekend? It has (had?) millipedes. Lots of them. I kept throwing them in the toilet with tweezers and then sprayed the dirt with poison. This did not kill them, other than a few unfortunate ones who happened to be on top of the dirt during the spraying, so I then took off the spray top of the bottle and attempted to drown them in poison.

This ALSO did not work. We read all about getting rid of them, and some people say that you should drown them in a bucket. Others say you should wash all the dirt off the roots and with it the stupid millipedes.

At any rate we decided we regretted the entire business and planted the jasmine out by the fence in the yard. For some reason this reminds me of a narrated line in the execrable You've Got Mail: "Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one. It got on at 42nd, and off at 59th, where, I assume it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake - as almost all hats are."

I think the plant thing turned out to be a mistake... oh well. Anyway, we thought the millipedes gotten rid of, although I had suspicions since I'd seen one on another of the plant pots in the house before we evicted the jasmine. Sure enough, today I found one crawling on the bottom of the fig's pot. I threw that in the toilet and moved it and the other little plant next to it away from the black-eyed susan vine in the vain hope that perhaps the horrible monstrosities hadn't migrated yet.

I HATE things with too many legs! DIE! I will find a way to murder these somehow or other. Why don't cats eat millipedes? They eat hair and chewed up mice. And sometimes other bugs. Maybe millipedes taste gross. I'd believe that.

In other news, did you know that apparently in the Texas region of the US there is some sort of ghastly musical abomination of mariachi bands mixed with polka? This sounds truly terrible. File that under Would Have To Be High To Enjoy And Maybe Not Even Then. At least I assume so. I've never actually been high, but it seems like something that would be a necessary step in order to listen to anything that bad.

Really, I should just record Patrick and I having conversations or something, because they're hilarious and then I forget them. Which leaves me blankly staring at my blog, wondering what to write about.

Monkey has finally figured out where Widget sleeps at night (next to my head), so now I've also got her piled up next to me every time I go to sleep. That Orange Thing sleeps on Patrick's feet most of the time.

On the cat naming front we've got Sunshine, Dr. Jones, Orange Thing, Fuzzybutt, and occasional names slightly less nice when he's being rotten. I said that Orange Thing was not an appropriate cat name. Patrick agrees, although that's what he keeps getting called, so hopefully this doesn't turn into something that sticks.

Google decided the other day that when I looked up "theobroma" (chocolate), I actually meant "throbbing gristle". Yes. That sounds exactly like what I really wanted. Thank you, technology.