Illicit Skills
If you are hesitant about confessing crimes…lie…be creative.
1. Do you know how to pick a lock? Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access?
Nope – When I was younger, my neighbor asked me to watch over their house and mow the lawn while they were on vacation. I asked about keys and he said it was locked up “so tight, Fort Knox would be jealous.” So, of course, I broke in the first afternoon I mowed the lawn. I ate some food from the fridge and watched some TV, but the wife and daughters were ugly so I didn’t do any intimate snooping, and, it was before I knew to look for sex toys. Unfortunately, a neighbor saw me inside the house, called my dad, and I got REEMED that night. Not a happy ending at all.
2. Do you know how to open a safe with a rotary combination lock? - Yes
Have you ever used this skill to gain unauthorized access? Nope
What did you find? - Nothing
3. Have you ever made a copy of a key you were not supposed to have? Yes
Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? Hell yes
What were you looking for? A full sized basketball court
Did you find it? Not only did I find it, my friends and I played on it for a year.
4. Have you ever stolen or guessed a password? Who hasn’t?
Did you use it to gain unauthorized access? Of course, that’s the point
What did you do? Saw my best friends letters to his girlfriend and wrote one of my own to her under his name, changed his password, and then shut down. He was sooo confused the next day. Took him all day to get things back to normal. I don’t think his GF knew that I wrote the letter, but I do think he got some extra loving that night.
5. Do you know how to get data from a computer that requires a password you don’t know? Yes (let’s just leave it at that)
6. Do you know how to record a telephone call? Yes
Have you ever done so secretly? Yes
Did you hear anything interesting? Not really, I already know my parent’s hated each other.
7. Have you ever used a webcam or nanny cam to photograph someone secretly? No, but I have thought about it many many times. My cousin is really hot and she has a nanny cam in her house. If I could just get in to reposition it….
8. Have you ever used an infrared camera to photograph someone secretly in the dark? Yes – You’ve seen the Paris Hilton footage, that was mine.
9. Have you ever learned anything important by deliberate eavesdropping? Yes – If you wear a set of headphone and just turn off the music while bobbing you head up and down, people assume you are deaf or dead and just start talking. I found out about a friend’s first blow-job (she loved it), how another friend lost her virginity, and that my best friend was about to get dumped. I told him and he dumped her first. WINNING!
10. Do you know how to hot-wire a car? Nope, but I really should learn, it will be very useful in the zombie apocalypse.
I’m sorry my past hasn’t been more felonious. I’ll try to do better in the future, or, should I say, do worse.
Bonus: Have you ever been paid for your sexual skills? What skill(s) did you perform?
I was a paid escort for my friend's cousin who was in town for a couple of weeks. My friend paid for meals, movies, gas, the works, I didn't charge him for making out with her though, that was thrown in for good customer service. He never knew I kissed her, but, if he's reading my blog now, Patricia squeals a little when she cums, just thought you'd like to know.
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