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Fitness Fatigue

I have not done a Monday fitness update for a couple of weeks I think, mainly because I haven’t had anything good to say. I have been officially “on a diet” for 4 weeks and I’ve gained 3 pounds. I don’t think that is the way it is supposed to work. I have tracked my weight faithfully for a month yet, when it comes time to make a decision about eating, I basically say “fuck it” and eat whatever I want.

It’s totally self-defeating and I know it at the time I make the decision and again the next morning when I do my weigh-n. I went for a week without chocolate which is good, but that followed a week of too much chocolate. I go to the gym 5 to 6 times a week yet, but then eat an apple fritter at the grocery store.

Some of my pants still fit, most of them do, but one pair which was always a bit snug, is a bit snugger. (That might not be grammatically incorrect, but it is the truth.) There are a couple of pairs of pants that I use to measure the real change. I don’t know how much I should care, it is so frustrating that I can’t get my head around eating right. This morning, no last night, I made myself a very healthy lunch then proceeded to ignore it and got a grilled turkey and Swiss sandwich with potato salad and half of my boss’s French fries.

These are not the decisions of a person who wants to lose weight. They are the decisions of a person who just wants to have more sex, look better naked, and enjoy things a bit more. I know that if I don’t stress about my weight I will be happier, but if I gain weight I will be unhappy with myself and I will run slower which makes me upset even more.

My race is in one month. I need to get down to at least 208, that is only 6 pounds which is pathetic, but I’ve been bouncing around the 213 mark for a month and have not budged except upward.

I went for a five-mile run this morning and while I finished it only a minute and a half out of first place, I was a minute out of 3rdplace. (This last sentence did not make much sense as I was not in a race this morning. It is more likely explained by the fact that I am sitting at my desk with my feet up, my headphones on for voice dictation, and I am very sleepy.)

I went for a five-mile run this morning. It was supposed to be 6 but I had to stop at Starbucks to use the bathroom. This is too much information, but there is a conflict when you realize you have to use the restroom when you are running. You want to run faster to get to the bathroom sooner, but the faster you run the more you bounce and the more, well, everything wants to get out. Luckily, I made it, but it wasn’t pretty.

I’m not making any grand commitments in this post, I am going to get back to logging all that I eat, and trying to make a few decisions that actually help me drop weight, but I’m not promising anything.

On a positive note, I sent a picture to a friend of mine and she said I was looking good, so that made me smile for a long time, and I'll try to build on that.

Be healthy my friends!

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