Choices

We all have choices to make.
Blogger or Wordpress
Monogamy or Happiness
Fidelity or the risk of a Wandering eye

Other choices are more mundane.
Read or Write (blogs that is)
Chat or Twitter or Facebook?
Make new friends or try to save old ones
Seduce or befriend

I've been making choices to talk, chat, pursue more than write lately.  That tells me I'm feeling isolated and my friends have become even more important to me. 

But I'm going to ramble a bit.  I've been thinking about a lot of things.

I don't end conversations well.  I always ask one too many questions or make one too many requests.  Instead of just letting things end, I reach for one last thing, "What are you wearing?"  "What are you doing?" "when can we talk?"  I always just seem to push that last little bit too far.  And then it leaves a bad taste to the conversation.

I need to calm down and just say good-bye and let things be done.  There will be another day..

I also need to let people go. I hold on too long.

My theory of friendship was always the "2 boats" theory.  We all have our own boat on the lake of life, you steer yours, I steer mine, but we are always in our own boats.  If you want to steer the same direction as mine, great, but when you are done, you are free to go and I can't tie your boat to mine, you have complete freedom.  But now I find myself acting like a pirate, coming up along side another boat and trying to throw my grappling hooks on to your deck.  Pirates are bad.  You have your boat, I have mine, you are free to go.  I hate being clingy.  So apologies to anyone who resents the hooks on their decks.

Another topic. 

 I've had strange dreams lately.  Over the weekend it was being trapped naked in a high rise full of people and knowing that I had to get to my office on the 14th floor without being seen and getting fired.  After successfully navigating my way through several floors, I made it to the elevator holding a clear plastic box, but being trapped by three older women.  The other dream was of a race, a 1/2 marathon that was going extremely well until i got to the final mile and couldn't find the finish line, they had turned it into a t-shirt shop.  "Where the fuck is the finish line!!" I yelled.  My psychiatrist would have a field day with that one. 

The brain dump continues:

I'm liking Twitter more than I should.  I tweet strangers instead of e-mailing real friends and I find myself constantly on the prowl.  That is a bad thing.

I was at the mall last night and asked the girl in the bikini shop for directions to the ice cream shop (it's new) and she was so nice, and a little flirty and all I could think about was going back to see her.  Totally reckless and she's probably 18, maybe, am I that much of a glutton for punishment and rejection?

Anyway, i controlled myself, stayed out of jail, and went to starbucks instead of the coffee bean at the mall to write this.  I'm too pretty for jail.

OK, my time is up, my battery is almost out and i have to take a phone call.

A good phone call.