I’m stuck.
I am stuck at my weight, I am stuck on my diet, I am stuck on my schedule, my sleep, and my motivation. I’m having a hard time getting “off the dime”, as they say. I am eating just enough junk food and chocolate to keep me from losing any weight. I am working out enough though my non-running days are pretty light. Take this morning for an example. I got up on time and made it to the gym. I saw the cute girl who never smiles on the treadmill, and a friend of mine, whose name I got wrong yesterday, waved and asked if I remembered who he was. We laughed, talked for a bit, and then I finally got to work with my jump rope. I alternated one minute on the jump rope and 30 to 50 Ab crunches of various types. Jump, crunch, jump, crunch, I repeated the cycle four times and then moved to the Ab machines.
I like the machine where you anchor your upper body on some handles, and twist your core. It works my lateral obliques and I think it’s helping to reduce the size of my love handles, though skipping dessert would do more there than anything else.
I am in this denial phase where I think I can somehow break the rules and still meet my goals. I don’t want to give up the extra snack in the afternoon or the desert before bed. Last night I ate some truly awful jalapeno popcorn. The flavor packet looked like the dry mix from macaroni and cheese. It did not taste as good.
After some more core and jump rope I jumped on the Stairmaster for 10 minutes to get warmed up for the pool. Next to me was a woman who used to be in my cycling class, but I cannot remember her name, and, after getting another name wrong the day before I was in no mood to be embarrassed again. She had on some major headphones and was obviously there was the guy next to her, so I did not interrupt, though I did notice, as she bent to tie her shoes, that she has kept herself in terrific shape.
So why is my motivation to change lacking? Perhaps it is because last Sunday I got compliments from my family on losing weight though the number on the scale has gone up 2 pounds. Perhaps it is because I have had some very good running times while not eating right. Perhaps it is because I am lazy and lack discipline.
I am at the weight where I always stall out. I think it is a strong natural setpoint for my body. I am at 205 pounds give or take a pound and I have a difficult time moving any lower. On Weight Watchers four years ago (five years ago?) I was able to get down to 195 for about four months. I would like to get there again, but, as I write out my goals, I remember how hard it was back then. I ate salads for lunch for weeks at a time, I didn’t have a hamburger for a month, and I cut out almost all dairy products. Right now I have cut out liquid milk because my wife thinks I have allergies to it, though I don’t get any of the symptoms of lactose intolerance that my sister gets.
I still eat cheese, in fact, I will be making a delicious cornbread chili and cheese casserole for the Sunday after Thanksgiving. A layer of cornbread, a layer of chili, a layer of shredded extra sharp white cheddar cheese, and another layer of cornbread and it tastes amazing. Thank you Trader Joes
So what should my next step be? Should I stress over these last 10 pounds? Should I enjoy a running and eating in equal measure? As a man, it is easier for me to “look good” than for a woman to with the same weight issues. It is unfair, but it is a fact. I saw a very attractive woman at the pool today, in fact there were two which illustrate my point. The girl who never smiles is an avid swimmer. She has been in the pool for the past three years, much much more consistently than me. She looks great, bronzed skin beautiful hips a fantastic ass that looks great in a bikini bottom, and strong arms. The other swimmer, the older lady, was obviously in terrific condition but she was not a great swimmer. When she got out of the water to adjust her goggles, she had a little pooch in her belly. It really didn’t take anything away from her beauty, or her strength, but I thought, ”what a cute little pooch.” And even though it did look cute and she still looked fit, I noticed it. When the gentleman in the lane next to her got out of the pool and sat on the edge, I barely noticed at first but then it dawned on me that his belly was much bigger yet he looked, “in shape,” in my head. Totally unfair, I admit,
I have a bigger pooch then I want. But, when I am walking and relaxed I can look down and see my junk, and with my size, that means my belly isn’t blocking much.
I guess what I am trying to say in a long-winded and roundabout way is that I am struggling to get the motivation because I am settling into “it’s good enough” territory. I don’t look bad, I don’t look great, my running is coming along, and my shoulder doesn’t hurt when I swim. But, I like chocolate too much. I like to eat, and as long as they stay in balance, is that so bad?
It comes down to what I want to see in the mirror. It comes down to whether I think I am strong and in control. I want to be both, but I want to have dessert too.
I hope someone out there had a better week than me! Let’s hear some success stories!
If you want to see the earlier posts, here they are!
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