Irritating Friday, but now it's the weekend!

Oh, y'all, Friday was awful!

When I woke up to get ready for work, I was suddenly hit with this wave of MUST CRY RIGHT NOW. I managed to keep my shit together until I got to work, with just some minor tearing up here and there, but when I tried to have a meeting I cried all over the place and got sent home. I explained that it wasn't anything in particular, and I mentioned my neck lump thing, and said that I just couldn't stop crying. Maybe the codeine didn't help... I don't know. But I hadn't taken any yet before this set in.

I kind of wonder if this is some sort of delayed stress response. I historically have a rather delayed one. I didn't cry when I first thought my tumor had come back, although I did feel crazy amounts of upset. So maybe this was just that come home to roost? When I had surgery I didn't snap out of it and freak out until a full week later. 

Anyway, I went out to the garage and sat in my car and cried for a bit, then decided that I needed to leave before anyone came by and wondered wtf I was doing sitting in my car in the garage having a tear. I drove home and sobbed the whole way, then felt a little better. Got home, had a nap for about three hours, and that seems to have taken care of most of it.

It's just nerves or something, I swear. I guess at least it wasn't a normal panic attack. Those sound awful, like you're having an asthma attack. You can't breathe, your throat closes up, and the noise you make as you try to suck in air is this horrible shrieking sound. Fortunately I don't have those too often.

That appointment for anxiety on Tuesday cannot come soon enough. Fortunately the hoodie that I ordered arrived, so I am blissfully wrapped up in it as I am typing this. The husband has taken good care of me, as have several very kind friends, and I am trying to chill the hell out.

Harder than it sounds...