Ennui

	ennui
	A sense of apathy and lassitude brought about by either societal or personal stagnation. Akin to languor, but more closely tied to existentialism and post-war Europe.

otherwise known as generalized self-pity.

As i look out over my life, i see some wasteland, some lush green forests, areas of wetlands, mountains remaining to be climbed, valleys to be avoided, and extended metaphors to run away from with all 4 legs.

My life is full of wonderful things, yet, some of the things I really want seem out of reach.  Talent, good looks, a smaller waistline, funnier kids,a cuter dog, a bigger house, a smaller mortgage, a longer dick, a better car, a the ability to distinguish between Sandstone and Beige at Home Depot and enough energy to finish the really bad novel I started years ago. 

My wife asked me what my "dream job" would be since I may be coming in to a period of "employment uncertainty" next year.  "Editor" came to mind.  Closely followed by fireman, airline pilot, and ballerina.  All equally realistic as a 47 year old man.  She encouraged me to stick with what I know, computers.  Please, somebody kill me. 

Am I so deeply lacking in creativity that I am past the point of re-invention?  Am I who I am going to be forever?  What if I no longer want to be the me that me is?  Oh boy, does that sound pathetic, and it's even more pathetic to put it in a blog post.

Ennui.... Stagnation.... a lack of creativity and the inability to post about interesting or relevant topics not determined by the day (TMI/FFF) of the week.

Maybe I've just been here too long.