Porn for a Saturday - 2 reviews and a few complaints

I shouldn't give bad porn like this any more publicity than it already gets, but I've rarely seen a clip with actors less interested in what they are doing.  Didn't anyone notice? 

1. They look way too be young to doing anything like this at all.


2. They are the WORST kissers ever, even for porn kissing.  Watch the first 50 seconds and I'll pay you to find kissing less attractive.


3. At 4;40 she shakes her head as he's starting to go down on her and the boredom just pours out.


4. You can almost hear the director telling them what to do (touch leg, lick, touch breast, shake hair)


5. It looks like she's chewing gum.


6. If she is at all turned on by the first 6 minutes of the clip, you can't see it at all, maybe she's a good actress after all and the director told her to "look bored, not quite dead, but close." 


7. at 7:44 the worlds most disinterested blowjob ever starts.  My wife does better than that.


8. It just gets worse, the fake moaning is obvious, and they just look so uncomfortable.


9. Oh shit!  I think he's chewing gum too


10. At some point the director should have stopped everything and sent them home to figure out what sex is supposed to feel like.  


11. OK, and here is something I don't get.  At 18:44 he pulls and and starts jerking off.  I know it's for the money shot, but look at how bored she is just waiting there, waiting, waiting, waiting.  Are the male performers on so many "delay" drugs or creams that it takes them 5 minutes of furious jacking to cum on a beautiful woman?  She's cute enough to move things along much faster.  Somethings going on here.


12. At 23:11 (believe me, I fast forwarded through most of this trype), right in the middle of the cum shot, right as he's is having an orgasm on her chest, she looks over at the camera with that look that just screams, "Can I go have some ice cream now?"

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OK, to redeem myself a little, here is a clip that is better, still not great, but it reflects some of my pet peeves with even decent porn.

1. First, the good.  The first three minutes of this video are actually funny.  The guys are dorky, they don't try to do much, but she's a doll, has a fantastic accent, a wonderful look, and it's just cute.  Grocery boys?  Right.


2. More good stuff.  As they sit on the couch, the blonde an d the brunette talk and they pull out an old device, the "I've never kissed a girl."  This isn't new, but we don't expect "new" in porn, just plausible is enough.  The whole interaction, the first kiss, the pull away, it's all great.  For pornstars they pull off this little scene and i'm entertained as well as aroused.  All good so far....


3. But then....  After the cute and very effective set-up, they start fucking like, well, like porn stars. The arousal of this piece should be the 1st timer nerves, the "what do I do next?" moments?  Instead they waste a great beginning and suddenly is boring porn all over again.


4. However, as they undress the blond, nice and slow, its good.  The teasing reveal is better than...


5. Then, after some fast forwarding and skipping ahead, we get to my next LEAST favorite thing about porn, the bad transition.  The brunette, after performing some nice oral on the blond, is fully dressed.  One cut jump later she's bare-assed naked with a tongue in her slit.  WTF?  That's no fun.  Give me some tranistion, show her getting undressed, draw it out a bit.  Geeezzz..


6. In summary, the little flashes of creativity are wasted when the director can't see past the obvious content and give us a little more.  THis tells me that they cute parts are just a fluke.

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