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TMI Feb 5 - Let's shop for furniture!



My day has not turned out how I expected.  So there will be no TMI, especially since my answers would have been tragically boring.
Well, I decided to write about TMI anyway as an addendum to a post that has now been split off for Thursday morning.
So what do I do with boring TMI answers?  Well, I add some commentary and then post them.
TMI

1. When you bought your bed frame, did you evaluate it in terms of ropes, handcuffs, etc?
My bed has slotted rails on the headboard, prefect for scarves and knots and tying people up, except that she doesn’t want to be tied up at all. Ever.

2. Aside from beds, was sex ever a major consideration in choosing a piece of furniture?
For me? Well, I built my office desk to be sturdy enough for 3 of us, but that’s about it, well, you could count the yoga ball.  Maybe I should pump that up soon.

3. Have you ever had anyone else (friend, mom) say a piece of your furniture was inappropriate because it was clearly for sexual purposes? Nope, zzz, zzz  See, even my house has a horrible sex life.

4. Do you have a piece of furniture that has a stain caused by bodily fluids (baby vomit not included)?
If the mattress counts, yes, and there is a spot on the couch, and a matching spot on the rug just below it.  That is why we had to re-arrange the cushions.

5. Do you have anything in your bedside table you wouldn’t want your father or mother to know about?
Since my bedside table doesn’t have drawers, no, but please don’t look in the next to bottom slot of my shoe-holder. I don’t think my mom would mind that we had a vibrator.  She had this industrial looking “back massager” in her drawer that got me off for years and year while I was living at home. Then the motor started dying and it got really loud.  She probably wondered how it got so worn out when no one ever used it. 

6. Do you own any exercise equipment that is useful for sex?
My running shoes keep me skinny enough for sex, my jump rope would be great if not for the answer to #1.  I have a whistle that might come in handy.  Oh, and I do have a tether ball pole, and, of course, a baseball bat.

7. Aside from your bedroom, what room do you have sex in most often?
It used to be the living room, but our kids get up too much in those magic hours between their bedtime and our bed time, so we haven’t used the couch in forever, and, strangely enough, she doesn’t like shower sex, so that is out.

8. Do you have any electronics (TV, stereo) etc in your bedroom that are on during sex?
Nope, the timer in her head doesn’t need any batteries, but it is very reliable in telling us when we are done.
I love the furniture offered as a liberator.com, but I’ve always wondered where on earth I would keep it. Where might you keep a 4 x 4 sex pad? Where am I going to keep foam rubber big enough to support my body when my closet is fall of shoeboxes, the dry-cleaning bag, a laundry basket, and when my kids look through every nook and cranny trying to find the sweater they thought they loaned to their mom?

Where does somebody hide their sex furniture?

We don’t have too many people come over very often, but when they do, how am I going to explain a sex swing hanging from the eye-bolts in the living room ceiling? I guess I could clear at the office chairs and mount it there, but I can’t have the swing mounted and the ceiling fan turning at the same time and in the summer that would be a problem.. I could put it in the kitchen, but the lighting there is horrible, and I don’t think she wants to see me under bright fluorescent lights, ever.

Seriously, does anyone who is married have room for the zeppelin?  It looks like it’s a lot of fun, but unless you have empty bedrooms I don’t know where you would put  this.  This one looks sexy, but it has chiropractor visit written all over it.

I am stuck with the furniture I actually use, the table for eating, I couch for sitting, a bed for sleeping, and a desk for homework. These are all adaptable to sex, yes, but how often does it really happen? I don’t know how people find time, money, or space to buy dedicated sex furniture. Maybe when my son moves out in 12 years I will get something for my 60thbirthday.

TMI questions like this make me feel old and boring. But I guess that shouldn’t surprise anyone.

Have a wonderful Tuesday

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